Hey! First of all, let me just say how much I love you ladies and miss our random dates of laughter and craziness! Life is really just this weird thing that I don’t understand most days. But the beauty of it all is that I don’t have to. I get to just love God and walk beside Him! If I sound super holy right now it might just be because I had a one on one with Carp a bit ago (just kidding)! I am holy (or learning to be) because He is holy!
I’m already trying to over think about what would be “most beneficial” to write in this blog but I’m just gonna forget that and go! So, I have really been struggling with stability in my walk with God. Really! I seriously had a breakdown the other day because I didn’t know if I loved God. Let me tell you, that will really knock you off your feet! It was a necessary hit. I was so inward focused that I stopped seeing God. I couldn’t remember who He was and what He had done. I had become the focus of my own ministry. Super stupid and lame if you ask me. And then He awoke my spirit to His presence and love. It only took about three days at a retreat and a really weepy time in staff meeting but He is faithful! I saw how God was moving in the lives of so many girls, including my own. He was making my heart ache for those that were at a distance and He was making my feet shake a little something for those who were celebrating new life! Also, Regina is the most beautiful dancer when she worships God! She plowed through the crowd toward the front during worship to jump before her King and it made me soul smile. I struggle at times to have that honest worship where I totally don’t care what people think but hey I’m a work in progress (Praise the Lord)!
I’m being reminded continually how God wants us to always be walking with Him, talking with Him, smiling with Him and so much more. It’s about being near. Simple and complicated all at the same time. Glorious and frightening. Painful and perfect. Beautiful. I really don’t get God all the time but I think I am seeing Him more around me and beginning to get reconnected to a poetic side that has been a little under the weather! Another praise right there!
Oh yeah…and I turned 24. It was an awesome birthday of just being with the people I loved and truly if you, Jamie, had been there it would have been all the more sweeter! 24 isn’t that exciting but I like that it is an even number so there is that. Some days I feel old when there are so many youngins around me…especially if there is a cute guy and then all of a sudden I’m like, “ugh…why are you 5 freakin years younger than me!” Yep, I just said that and went there. I was only there with a day pass so no worries moving on! I really do miss having more time with all of you and frankly my emotions are a mess sometimes because of it. But it is GOOD! I can’t imagine life right now being any different. God is just changing us and moving in us. He is good at that!
Continue praying for me and some serious stability. Also, my dgroup girls and the girls to be added to His kingdom! So many sweet friends to be brought into this crazy family! I might share some more stories soon but for now I suppose that is all! I love you sweet ladies! Kiss kiss on the forehead!