It has been two weeks since James left for Africa. We shipped her away with a few tears, lots of laughs (as always), and hugs that will hold us over for quite some time. I miss that girl, and I’m slightly jealous of the amazing time that she is having! This preggo lady is a little stir crazy and craving an adventure. (I’m so ready to hear stories, James!)
So, for me lately, life has been kinda cray-cray. We are currently juggling being on staff full-time this summer, teaching a new class at the prison once a week on top of our Tuesday night small groups there, raising support for upcoming travels, trying to get really involved in our new church, and prepping for our baby boy. Whew! The good news is that being on summer staff means one-on-ones by the pool, I love getting to see the guys at Tucker more often, God has really been providing for us in every area of our lives, we love NLR First and their heart for missions, and the doctor told us just this morning that Seattle is perfectly healthy and right on track. (She also said that he was only in the 34th percentile for his weight class, so hopefully no ripping for this girl!)
In other news, I have a story to tell you guys… and it all started with a rubber ducky.
A few months ago, Aaron and I were on a long car ride with his brother and we were playing the Thing Game. Ya know, you pick a person, place, or thing and then the other players ask yes or no questions to guess the thing you have in your head. Well, my thing was a rubber ducky. Sometime toward the middle of the asking and answering, Nick asked me if my thing was something I would want. I thought about it and decided “Yeah, I guess so. I mean… I don’t need one, but it would be nice to have one.”
A few days later, Aaron and I were at my parent’s house and my mom gave me this tiny, yellow ducky with the word “BLESSED” across the front of its little, rubber body. My mind suddenly went back to the game we’d played and how strange it was that she was giving me a bath toy. I kind of laughed to myself, but didn’t think anymore of it.
Not too long after that, I was thanking God for blessing my little family with the missions house. My prayer went something like this “God, thank you so much for this awesome gift, but I don’t understand the way that you work sometimes. Aaron and I never asked for a house… we never even considered living in one while we were in the States… and definitely not one this nice… and definitely not for free! We were happy with our small apartment, and we didn’t need anything more. I mean this house is amazing, but we didn’t need it. Why did you give it to us?” And in that moment God said “Remember the rubber ducky.”
A little while later, I was decorating Seattle’s nursery and thinking out loud when Aaron came in from mowing the yard. I said “I really wish I had a piece of glass that I could put on top of that elephant. It would make a perfect nightstand.” He asked me what I’d said then turned around and walked out of the room. A few minutes later he came in holding the perfect sized piece of glass for the elephant table of my dreams. He’d seen it as he was mowing the yard and wondered what it was doing there… now he knew! And in that moment God said “Remember the rubber ducky.”
Man, that rubber ducky has been wrecking my life. There are so many things that God has given to me that I didn’t even know that I wanted… or maybe I thought they’d be nice to have but I definitely didn’t need them. For instance, Aaron… rubber ducky. Y’all all know how I felt about relationships and marriage. I didn’t need anyone else. I was i-n-d-e-p-e-n-d-e-n-t (yep, to the tune of that stupid song.) But God gave me Aaron… and he is the most amazing man. Seattle… rubber ducky. I didn’t want to have kids for at least five years, and less than a year into marriage God asks me to stop trying to control things. Now, I can’t imagine my life without this little squirmer. I don’t even want to try… and I never knew he would be the greatest gift, the person I could love more than anyone outside my husband (and he isn’t even outside of my body yet!)
Man, guys… I’ve just been seeing that I’ve been blessed so blindly… just completely side-swiped by our Father who loves me even when I’m such a wretch–and I’ve been such a wretch lately. I’m not sleeping much lately, and this is common among the impregnated, but when I don’t sleep at night I cry. I just cry. Part of this I can chalk up to my hormones going crazy, but the other part is really dark. I’ve been so sad for such a long time and really wallowing in it. I haven’t let Aaron console me and I haven’t told you guys and the worst part is that I’ve been blaming God. I’ve been so consumed with missing Ang and with worrying about her and James not being here when Seattle comes that I’ve completely missed out on so many amazing things that God is doing in my life right now. God is so, so good… and I’m so glad that He is the greatest common denominator between us.
I hope you guys are doing well and I can’t wait to hear from all of you!
All my heart,